NYC Merchants -- Enemies of Earth?

I love the environment. This is, of course, generally speaking. If you travel around the world, there are many environments that are better or worse than others. For example, the environment of, say, Fiji is perferable to that of Siberia. But, taken together on the average, the environment is a great thing. One of my favorite things about the environment is its ability to sustain human life. What would we homo sapiens do without that?

You would think that everyone would have the same love and affection for the environment as I have just expressed above. But there is a group of people who seem to want to destroy the world's environment, and are doing everything they can to change our environment radically--from the nice humanity-supporting Earth environment we current reside upon to a vast wasteland of plastic and...well, nothing else.

Who are these people? The oil corporations? Well, ok. They seem to hate the environment.

But who else are these people? The coal producers? Ok, sure. Them too.

George W Bush? Ok, obviously that guy. But let's skip beyond the obvious.

New York City merchants--those guys who run the convenience stores/bodegas within this multi-borough region: They seem fully intent on ruining the Earth, even digging into their own profits to do so.

I know it doesn't seem realistic. The guy who cheerfully gives you your lottery tickets, or charges you a buck for a cup of coffee--unlike that Starbucks across the street--who even remembers your name and tells you "hello"--he just doesn't seem like a secret environment-ruiner in disguise. He's just too friendly.

But let's investigate:

No matter your protestations, they seem intent on shoving a straw into your bag, no matter what drink you buy. You go to buy a Coke--here's a straw. How about a Snapple? Here's a straw.
"No," you say, holding the gallon of water you just purchased, "I don't need a straw for this. I'll put it into cups."

He pretends not to notice, and puts the straw in your bag, smiling--all the while secretly enjoying the thoughts of the barren, desolate Earth he is helping to create.

"Everyone needs a straw," he says, putting it in the bag, along with the single can of Alpo you just bought.

"Rover really doesn't like to suck his food through a straw..." You don't bother mentioning that the single time Rover did get his teeth onto a straw he ate it, causing you to worry what happens to dogs when they eat plastic.

Sure, they're not expensive, but if you push a straw on everyone ever, the cost is sure to add up.

There are more than 8,000,000 people in this city. How many straws do we go through in a year? How many landfills is that? Since their plastic is made from oil, they all contribute to global warming, we'd have to assume. And as we all know, plastic doesn't really biodegrade.

How many millions of years from now will some other evolved creatures, the ones that replaced homo sapiens after the earth repaired itself after humans ruined their environment through, among other things, careless use of straws, find the vast landfills full of nothing but straws? What will they think? Will they look down on us, assuming that we couldn't figure out how to drink Snapple from the bottle in which it came? Or will they find the notes, the minutes of secret meetings, written by the society of NYC merchants? Only then will these merchants' vile plans come to light.

Surely these notes will spend much time on the subject of forcing everyone to take straws. But another portion of these notes will likely focus on the environmental disharmony they are presently trying to create through extremist overuse of plastic bags.

The plastic bag was a good idea. You can put all sorts of things in it, it is relatively durable, and it costs virtually nothing to use. But, after many years of using them, we've realized that these bags to a great diservice to the environment, and many have realized that something had to be done to curb their use. People have learned that in a lot of places and other places. But the merchants presently discussed pretend not to know about the environmental problems posed by these conveniences. Pretend is, of course, the key word.

Why else would they force them on you? They, like the straws, cost money--probably more money.

No matter what you buy, it seems, they want to put it in a bag.

"No, don't worry, man," you say. "This lottery ticket isn't that hard to carry."

"But the bag will help you to carry it. Very convenient!"

You could try to explain to them that that the plastic bag makes things less convenient, that you have to fish the ticket or whatever else you've bought out of the bag, and then figure out what to do with the offending plastic... but why bother? They'll almost always just give you the sack anyway.

I don't even know how many plastic bags are lying around my place: They're under sinks, hanging on doorknobs, lying on the floor. I feel guilty throwing them away. I have been trying to figure out some use for them. Maybe some kind of avant-garde version of covers that junior high school kids have to put on their books? It might look nice on a book, if you can properly position the little smiley face on the book. But, I don't know any junior high kids, so I can't pawn my plastic off on them.

But they continue to pile up on the floor. Who needs a bag for a pack of beer? It has a frickin' handle! Or a gallon of water? That has a handle, too. But they double bag that.

"Um, you know... I don't think I need a bag for this. It has a handle."

"It's better to put it in a the bag. Easier to carry!"

"But it has a handle."

"You cold drop it, and all the water you bought would be spilled."

"But, if I hold the handle of the bottle, that's stronger than these plastic bags' handle

"That's why I double bag."

"But... Can't I just take the bottle without a plastic bag?"

"No."

"But--"

"No."

"The environment, though, you know, if you read the UN Environmental Program's reports--"

"Shut up!"

"What?"

"Shut up with that talk. Now you take an extra bag and get out!"